You and your adult friend tried a new sex act. He really liked it, you…not so much. How do you break the news, do you break the news, or should you give it one more try?
Well, it depends what you’ve been up to and how it effected you. Let’s take an example and explore your options.To keep things simple I’ll assume you’re a heterosexual couple.
Example: Anal sex. You and your boyfriend decided to try out the tighter end of sexual penetration. You both did your research, used a lot of lube, warmed up a good deal and had a glass of wine to keep things relaxed. He loved it. You, did not.
When to immediately end the experiment: If you’re in pain. Physical or emotional, end it. Don’t grit your teeth until he’s orgasmed. Put a hand to his shoulder, get his attention and tell him in no uncertain terms to stop. If there is any heavy bleeding, or pain that lasts afterwards for an extended period of time, go to the hospital.
If the sex left you upset and it lingers for more than a day or two, might be a good idea to talk to a therapist. Adult intimacy should be fun, if something goes wrong, take care of yourself.
When to try it again: It didn’t hurt, it just felt kind of gross/weird. Often new experiences, especially sexual ones can take a while to get used to. If anal sex didn’t hurt you, your boyfriend loved it and you don’t feel traumatized, my recommendation would be to give it a few more tries.
Don’t lie to your boyfriend and say you loved it too, just tell him you’re willing to give it the good college try. If after three or four more times, you still are getting nothing out of it and his bliss isn’t enough of a turn on, it might be time to break it to him.
How to break the news kindly: If you had to end things because of pain and he’s any sort of decent guy, he’ll be worried. If you’re sure you can’t try again, reassure him that you love sex with him, but anal sex is just too much. If you want, you can fan his ego a bit and tell him he’s just too big.
If the sex was just icky, not butt busting, tell him that it just not as fun as normal sex. A nice way to get him to let go of it is to tell him this while giving him a blow job, or by suggesting something else that you can try, another new sexual adventure.
Remember, just because one experiment failed, doesn’t mean you have to leave the lab.